“The Trap of Being Nice: Why Goodness Matters More”

Solomon E. Stretch, LPC, NBCC, SAP, MAC, ICAADC, CAADC
Nov 6, 2025
2 min read

By Solomon E. Stretch, LPC, SAP, MAC, ICAADC, CAADC

I saw this image (above) on a social media platform and It reminded me of a conversation I had with my Yoga Guru about "being nice."

Let’s get one thing straight — being nice and being a good person are not the same thing. Nice is easy. Nice is polished. Nice is what you do when you don’t want to rock the boat.

Goodness, on the other hand, takes courage. It’s inconvenient. It demands integrity, boundaries, and accountability — often when it’s uncomfortable.

The Performance of Nice

Being “nice” is often a social performance. It’s about appearances: saying the right things, smiling when you don’t mean it, and keeping the peace even when peace means silence in the face of wrong.

Nice people say, “I don’t want any drama.”

Good people say, “This isn’t right — and I won’t pretend otherwise.”

The danger of “nice” is that it confuses passivity for kindness. It teaches people to suppress their truth, to tolerate disrespect, and to prioritize harmony over honesty.

Over time, niceness becomes self-betrayal dressed up as virtue.

Good People Have Backbone

Being a good person isn’t about being liked. It’s about being real.

A good person speaks up when silence would make them complicit. They tell the truth even when it costs them comfort, and they set boundaries because they understand that enabling bad behavior doesn’t make them kind — it makes them compliant.

A good person isn’t perfect; they’re consistent. Their compassion is grounded in respect, not in guilt or fear. They don’t bend themselves into exhaustion trying to please everyone. They lead with integrity — not image.

The Dangers of Being Too Nice

When you’re too nice, here’s what happens:

You attract people who mistake your kindness for weakness.
You become the emotional sponge for everyone else’s chaos.
You lose trust in your own instincts because you’re constantly seeking external approval.
You confuse “avoiding conflict” with “keeping peace.” (They’re not the same thing.)

Niceness prioritizes comfort over authenticity. It avoids confrontation at the expense of growth. It says, “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings,” while quietly

allowing harm to continue unchecked.

And that’s not kindness — that’s fear with good manners.

Choosing Goodness Over Niceness

Being a good person means telling someone, “I care about you, but I won’t support this behavior.”

It means advocating for fairness, even when it’s unpopular.

It means standing firm when your boundaries are tested.

Goodness requires discernment — when to speak up, when to walk away, when to forgive, and when to hold accountable. It’s less about charm and more about character.